Hit By a Bus

"Your mono relapsed. You need to be resting even more. Taking daily multivitamins. Taking your BioDefense NK+ Immune Enhancer. Gargling with hot salt water to get rid of the swelling in the back of your throat. Drinking water. And resting. resting. resting. :::It might be months before your symptoms are gone and are able to get back to your busy schedule:::" -Dr. Dolly

I just got hit by a bus. I haven't been this discouraged, frustrated, and upset in a long time.
I'm not good at resting. I don't do that. And now it's the only thing I can do. Despite putting true effort into being positive I have given up on positivity, at least for today. I'm going to lay around and feel sorry for myself. And cry. And be mad that God let this happen to me. Because it's not fair.

I want to be doing my soccer workouts with my teammates.
I want to be outside going for bike rides in the sun.
I want to be having sleepover parties with Ally multiple nights in a row.
I want to go meet Matt at school this week and spend time with him.
I want to go longboarding all over town.
I want to coach my 6 weeks with On Goal.
There is sooooo much I want to do. But cannot. :[

I don't want to rest.
But today I will rest with this verse in mind - Thanks to Elise Hartman for bringing it to my attention

Habakkuk 2:17-19

17Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crops fails
and the the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.


Please pray.

Rest

I'm addicted to being busy. There is always something to do. So why rest?...

And because of that attitude I've always had, I am now home for the month resting. [instead of at school taking a May Term class, working in the admission office, and doing soccer workouts]

For those who don't know the recent drama; I got home last Monday and started to feel pretty sick with a sore throat. When I woke up early Tuesday morning I could barely swallow or talk because my throat was so swollen and sore. There was also a little pain in my ears. I took some Advil throughout the day and it helped manage the pain. Wednesday I woke up even worse. I literally cried all morning. After a Dr. visit that included getting blood drawn, I was given some awesome drugs to knock me out and reduce the swelling in my throat that if I didn't have, I don't know how I would have survived. We got the phone call Friday from the Dr. with the official diagnosis. Mono. & strep throat. & ear infection. I couldn't have been more unhappy with that news. I was given more medicine and by Friday night I was feeling better.

Except I'm not better. Because of the mono I am unable to anything. Except relax. I don't know how to do that... Relaxing, to me, is boring. Why lay on the couch when I could go for a bike ride with Ally? Why take a nap when I could help tear down wallpaper?

This is the first time I have had a real break with real relaxing in over a year. God had to get my attention somehow I suppose! And obviously my body [and mind] needed it.

So now with all my extra time I'm really trying to encourage myself to read more. pray more. and learn everything it is that God wants me to learn since I managed to exhaust myself to illness. There are no distractions of a schedule or a list of things I 'need' to get done. Just me. my Bible. a couple books. my bed. and God. [although I have to admit I did make a list of things I could do while I'm being forced to rest... I love lists. :P]

Some sad news: I don't think my hair has grown much since getting sick. I colored my roots a few weeks ago, and they aren't even growing in yet :/
Some other sad news: All the effort I have put into my Wally workouts for soccer have left me. After not eating for 5 days, and now having a smaller appetite, and lack of exercise, I can fit into a pair of jeans I bought my freshman year of college... and I am not happy about that. I want my muscles baaack :/
Some good news: I have an awesome boyfriend who is spending the weekend with me. Helping me learn how to relax :]



And for anyone reading: I would love any suggestions for things to read/do while on my stupid rest month until I leave to start coaching soccer for On Goal in June; they would be much appreciated :]

1.5 Miles from Home. Gas Tank is Empty.

I'm tired. Overworked. Under-rested. & still have a week and half left.
20 hours of class a week. Soccer training/workouts. Working in the admissions office. Homework. Studying for exams. Projects. Finding time to be social...
But what is a week and half when you have already done... a lot? (i'm not really sure how many weeks are in a semester :P)
As the semester wraps up and I reflect back, I am impressed with the changes I have seen in myself in such a short period of time. Since New Years, I have read Jeremiah and about 30 chapters of Psalms [and have actually learned, remembered and applied what I read] which is far beyond what I have done in the past. I have not had any pop. I have recently not been doing well with the hair vitamins, but, oh well.

More importantly: my heart has grown. My love for God, my family, friends, and others that I pass and would usually overlook but now notice has increased the size of my heart :]
Thing is, I am in a routine now. & after this week and half I'll go home for a week, then come back and live at Becca Carpenter's for May Term, then head to On Goal for the summer. I want and need to continue to be better when I go to bed at night compared to when I got up that morning.

Just some reflection for any followers :]

PS: MY BEST FRIEND GOT HER WEDDING DRESS -and since it wouldn't be appropriate to post the picture here before her wedding; you will have to trust that it is a BEAUTIFUL dress for an even more beautiful girl :]


PictureOfTheDay:
we surprised our trainer Wally with shirts for him. He makes us unable to get out of bed in the morning due to incredibly sore muscles. but it will be worth it.

Forget Exercise Science - How About a Mommy Degree

College has proved to be a frustrating time in my life.
I absolutely 100% love it. And do not regret EVER the choice to go. and am so very thankful for the opportunity.

But.

I want to be a mommy. Is there a degree for that?
I have wrestled for the past three years on what exactly I should study and where I would be able to use my gifts most effectively. I love my exercise science major. It's fun. And I get to dance in class -and at Bethel :P

But with that degree alone what can I do? Be a personal trainer. Fun. I know it's something I would enjoy. But. All that is needed to do that is get a certification through some classes and a little bit of cash.

So am I wasting my time and money going to Bethel?

Absolutely not.
I am earning a degree. I am working hard. And I am learning so much in the classroom AND outside of it. God has blessed me with amazing opportunities and friends at Bethel that have shaped and developed who I am that will make me an even better daughter, sister, friend and one day, wife and mom.

More good news on the topic of college. Graduation will be December 2011. NOT June 2012 :]
Only a semester late, rather than a year late.

Other news/New Years updates:

- pop sober for 95 days :]
- got a hair trim today - but still taking my vitamins so it will be long and pretty again :]
- still inconsistent in my morning Bible reading. but still more consistent than I used to be, and still making it a priority.
- I will be a bridesmaid for my wonderful roommate Heather Nelson on July 24th, 2010.
- I will be the maid of honor for my beautiful best friend Alyssa Eubank on June 3rd (or 4th) 2011.
- officially coaching with On Goal again this summer. 25 years of On Goal's soccer ministry. 3rd summer working with them [if you want to support me/the ministry financially or commit to praying for us this summer let me know!]


Joke of the Day: [inspired by currently watching the MSU v. Butler Final Four game]
anonymous person: "Michigan State can't win without Kalin Lucas"

-except the beat New Mexico AND Maryland without him :]

[it would have been a funnier joke if they would have won against Butler... too bad they can't stop turning over the ball and fouling. ugh.]

50+ Days

A list for the current events.

1. The 50th day without pop has come and gone. & I'm still going strong.
2. Struggling to consistently read my Bible each morning. But not giving up on it.
3. Spring Break 2010. Bradenton & Ft. Myers, Florida. everything I needed
[happenings in spring break]
A. Due to flight delays, missed my connecting flight from Atlanta to Tampa, so had to stay overnight. alone. in a hotel. in Atlanta. but, safely arrived in Bradenton Monday late afternoon.
B. Spent time with the Morley family. Always refreshing. & fun. Even if the temperature was barely 55 degrees and incredibly windy tuesday and wednesday. Monday was a nice day of relaxing in the sun.

C. Finished a lot of homework. And 1/3 study guides for anatomy exam this Wednesday. It was wonderful

D. Wednesday night, I was given the opportunity to speak to the USA Men's U-17 Soccer team! Butch has been working with them for 2 years and asked if I would share my testimony during the chapel time he does for them. About 18 boys showed up and I was able to share about the time when I lived in a way to get my self worth based on the opinions of others and how I played soccer in high school compared to now. & how they, the future of the USA men's soccer team, have millions of people watching them. And encouraged them to use their God given talent on the field to influence people. & to be remembered in a positive way for how they played. being a Christian-Athlete. Not an athlete that is a Christian. It was amaaaaaazing :] [and. I was honored to be the first special guest female speaker for the boys!].

E. Wednesday morning. Went to watch the U-17 boys practice and wish them luck at their game on Friday. Margie, Dori, and Rachel picked me up and I joined them down in Ft. Myers.

F. Thursday/Friday: tanning by the pool since the weather warmed up :]

All in all. Spring Break 2010. Very successful.

4. I was chosen, along with Meredith Martin, to be a representative for the Women's Soccer Team on SALT. basically they are chosen by the coach to be trained as spiritual leaders on the team based on their current spiritual wellness and leadership. I am really excited and honored to be asked to be a part of it!

5. Two friends were engaged. I am sooooo happy [and incredibly jealous :P]

And now begins the last 7 weeks of this school year.
And then On Goal.
Then SALT training
Then Preseason.
Yikes.


Me with the USA Men's U-17 Soccer Team [17 of the 40 best soccer players in the United States born in 1994/1995 and the future of the USA Men's Soccer Team].

One Word to Describe Myself...

Perfectionist.
[or... desperately attempting to be one].

Not only am I an aspiring perfectionist, I fill my schedule so full I rarely have time to sleep at least 8 hours a night. [there are probably many days I could have that little blessing, but choose to spend too much time on stupid Facebook; hey, we all need to do a little stalking throughout our day right?].

I would say 75% of my day I feel anxiety. Which is silly. I want to be the perfect student. perfect daughter and big sister. perfect friend. I want to accomplish too many things for hours in a day. I give myself to so much that I often forget to give all of myself to God. I find it hard to simply let things go and breath. relax. enjoy moments. & be still to acknowledge all the amazing blessings in my life.

I earned my first D+ on an exam. ever. in my life. It ruined my day. I couldn't get past it and decided the next exam that I would prepare so much for it there would be no way I could get any less than a 95%. But is sacrificing relationships and my mental well-being worth it? Somethings some things gotta give. And college is more than just the academics experience. & sometimes I need a reminder of that.

Good news: I reached my 50th day without pop a couple days ago. It was a wonderful feeling. I even passed the temptation test being home at ally's where there is a never ending flow of Diet Coke. I almost suffocated from thirst seeing it in the fridge, but chose water instead and don't regret it. at all. :]


Not much else to report on - except that spring break is this friday :] I'm going down to Florida [possibly by myself if Brittnee has to bail..] and spending time in Bradenton with the Morley's, Butch is an On Goal director down there and I spent three weeks with him and his awesome family last summer. I'm looking forward to reuniting with people I haven't seen since last June, and especially excited for the sun and temperatures above 33 degrees :]

More good news: I officially know who Joe Montana is, and how lucky my friends Angie Noland and Eric Miller were to see him live in person. For those who don't know... he is one of the best quarterbacks of all time... duuh..


Your prayers for peace, patience, and acceptance that I am, in fact, a human and will never achieve perfection.


Joke of the Day: eh. no joke for today. I'm taking advantage of a spare hour and taking a nap. Can't be bothered to try and come up with a joke :]

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PS: We [the Bethel College Women's Soccer team] officially have a head coach. Once our assistant coach, Steve Dregits will now be leading us to some major changes and hopefully a lot of victories!

<--- Can't wait to be back on the field :]

Month One. Done.

I meant to reflect on the month of January yesterday, with it being the first day of the month and all. I chose to go to bed at 11:30 and get 9 hours of sleep instead. I decision I do not regret :]

Overall. January was a successful month.

No pop [surprisingly]. The goal is to now make it through the shortest month - which will prove to be difficult with two large gatherings coming up [super bowl and On Goal Reunion] where it is 100% certain pop will be served. ugh.

Read my Bible before starting my day more than ever. I didn't manage to keep my exact resolution of reading it at least 5 days a week because half of the month I only read 3 times... but it's still improvement. February will be a stronger month.

My hair is longer :] I skipped a few days of my vitamins by accident. So I'm imagining the benefits of never forgetting and am 2/2 so far this month :P

As far as the general plan of loving bigger, improving physically, intellectually, and spiritually. I have definitely seen progress. I have toned biceps and triceps :] I am learning to love people that I don't want to. Smile at everyone, even if I think they're idiots.

January was a good month.



Verse of the day [from my morning reading with my Captain Crunch Berries Cereal]:
Jeremiah 23:23-24 "'Am I only a God nearby,' declares the Lord, 'and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?' declares the Lord. 'Do not I fill the heaven and earth?' declares the Lord."

He is Here. That is comforting. & frightening. And motivation to live every second for HIS glory. Because He sees it all.


Picture of the Day: [because I love my gorgeous roommates. & celebrating birthdays with them]

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